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FRIENDSHIP
Q:
What can I do to maintain my
friendships when life is so hectic?
The key elements of friendship are the same as for any relationship of
value: respect, consideration, trust, honest communication, and a degree
of love. How much you like or care about someone determines the level of
friendship that is desired. If that “degree of love” is mutual, then the
friendship works for both people.
Your question suggests that time is your main concern. How does one find
the time to devote to friendships? There are several ways to approach
this problem. A good place to begin is with honest communication of the
problem. Without making excuses, tell your friend that you’ve been
thinking of her and wishing there were more time in your day to keep in
better contact. Perhaps she will feel the same way. If so, make an
appointment, if not to see each other, then to talk on the phone or
email. Then keep your commitment.
It’s also a good idea to see if your life needs a little reorganization.
Are you spending time on things or on people you don’t enjoy? Can some
of these activities be eliminated? Have you taken on responsibilities
out of fear of rejection or inadequacy? For example, have you felt you
would not be a good parent if you didn’t agree to be the “team mother”
or the classroom volunteer? This is not to say there is anything wrong
with doing either of these things, but that sometimes people agree to do
things they really don’t want to do in order to feel adequate. Then they
resent the fact they have no time for their friendships or families. If
this is the case, the problem could be fear, so take the time to release
your fear before you accept another responsibility.
At work, do you find you are volunteering more often than you would like
for jobs that others don’t want to do? If so, examine why you are doing
this. Is it because you feel you must in order to be accepted? Again,
fear could be the culprit. After releasing your fear, if you still feel
it’s important to volunteer, then by all means do so.
Friendships, like all relationships, do take time to nurture. If you
never seem to have time for a certain friend, then perhaps the
friendship is no longer of value to you in the way it once was. Consider
the possibility that the friendship no longer meets your needs and wants
for this time in your life. It’s good to prioritize and be honest with
yourself. Are you trying to meet the needs of someone else, and ignoring
your own? Are you trying to be a friend to someone who simply needs
friends? Are you trying to hold on to a friendship that was important
when you both had more in common? If so, your reasons for staying in the
friendship should be re-evaluated.
Kindness is a wonderful trait, but it was never meant to be used to deny
yourself the consideration, respect, and honest communication that you
extend to others. To truly be a friend to others, one must first be a
friend to self. If self is being lost in the process, the friendship
cannot survive in a mutually beneficial way because the cost is too
great.
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Q:
Would you believe, I have a friend who is never happy with whatever
happens? What can I say to help him see life in a different light?
To begin, understand that it is very difficult to help others see
things as you do, if they are using a mind that is clouded by fear. If a
person is filled with the fear of inadequacy and/or rejection, he is
unable to see anything concerning life in a way that is beneficial for
his living experience. People like this may gain a sought-after contract
at work, yet negate the achievement by demeaning it. They may have the
benefit of a good marriage, yet not see that there is happiness. They
may have children who do well in school, yet criticize their children
for not doing better.
When something good occurs, such people have the ability to make it into
something totally different. They will see through such cloudy vision
that they can’t see the beautiful light on a subject. When something bad
happens, they will say I told you so. Examples could go on and on.
What you can do for your friend is use the tool of extension of the mind
and mentally release his fear when you are talking with him or when you
think of him. It is good to first release your own fear so that you
might keep from judging him or worrying about him (which is sending
negative energy his way). It is always best to release your own fear
first when using the tool of extension of the mind to other people. By
doing so, you will extend a release of their fear with the energy of
pure love. There is no greater energy to extend to someone. Use this
tool. Talk with him about the tool. That will be a way to “help him see
life in a different light.”
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