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Fear from Imaginary
Sources
So far we’ve discussed fear that originates from life-threatening
events. Fear can also be created in the imagination. This kind of fear,
though not based on current reality, is very real for the person
experiencing it. The symptoms can be the same: the desire to fight or
flee (the feeling may be more subtle), perhaps butterflies in the
stomach, dry mouth, uncharacteristic sweating or nervousness, shortness
of breath, difficulty relaxing or sleeping, or the inability to
concentrate.
The symptoms can be different as well, taking on a more psychological
than physical aspect. For example, children might become
uncharacteristically passive or aggressive, manipulative, demanding,
clingy, whiny, sullen, or mean. Or, the symptoms of imaginary fear might
be a combination of both physical and psychological factors. Each person
experiencing imaginary fear has an individual combination of symptoms
and ways of dealing with the fear, as we shall see.
Consider that imaginary fear may be rooted
in feelings of inadequacy and rejection.
Such fear is based on a belief that if a person isn’t good enough in
some perceived way, she will be rejected. Certainly, for the young
child, rejection by her caretakers is truly life-threatening because she
can’t take care of herself. So, she may begin to believe that when she’s
inadequate, she may be abandoned and left to fend for herself.
An interesting thing about imaginary fear is how intense it can be. For
example, even though there is no clear and present danger involved in
public speaking, many adults break out in a sweat, develop a dry mouth,
feel butterflies in their stomach, and even feel a sense of terror at
the thought of speaking in front of a group. This is clearly irrational
and is based on a person’s fear of inadequacy and/or rejection. But,
irrational or not, the symptoms are not imaginary at all.
Understand the fear of rejection.
Why would possible rejection have such an impact on us? As adults, most
of us have experienced being rejected. Certainly it’s not a pleasant
experience, but for the most part, we have learned we can survive in
spite of it. What about children, though? What is rejection like for
them? They don’t have years of experience to assure them they’ll be
okay. And, as was said earlier, they may not believe they can survive
rejection (by the important people in their life) because they truly
depend on those closest to them for their well-being—even their
survival—depending on their age and circumstances.
The younger the child, obviously the more vulnerable she is. Even if the
rejection occurs only in the child’s imagination, the resulting fear
could cause problems for years to come. In fact, isn’t it possible that
the adult who fears public speaking developed that fear in early
childhood when her audience meant the world to her?
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